Metaphore MagazineThe renowned happiness expert from Harvard University, Arthur Brooks, has focused his research on a fundamental concept: emotional contagion. This idea holds that happiness is shared and extends to those around us when we perform acts of kindness, creating a virtuous cycle of well-being. In his recent podcast on The Atlantic, Brooks reflects on how self-referential thinking, or the tendency to focus on oneself, affects our happiness and how learning to manage this inclination can be key to leading a more fulfilling life.
Brooks begins by posing an intriguing question: how much time do we spend thinking about ourselves throughout the day? While there are no exact studies measuring this phenomenon, it is known that much of our conversations and thoughts revolve around our own experiences and emotions. This tendency towards introspection is not necessarily negative; from an evolutionary standpoint, it has been essential for our survival. Thinking about oneself helps to organize priorities and keep us focused on our daily responsibilities. However, as with everything in life, balance is crucial. Excessive self-centered thinking can lead to emotional distress, as Brooks points out, warning about the disadvantages of being constantly absorbed in oneself.
Various studies have shown that excessive focus on oneself can lead to negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, or jealousy. According to Brooks, when we become overly concerned with our personal worries and problems, we lose sight of the bigger picture, which can destabilize our emotional balance. In fact, research has found that excessive self-focus is linked to higher rates of negative emotions and difficulties in maintaining good mental health.
But how can we break this cycle of self-referential thinking and improve our happiness? Brooks proposes three fundamental strategies that, when applied with discipline, can help balance our attention between ourselves and others, promoting greater personal well-being.
The first of these keys is what Brooks calls “constructive distraction.” Rather than continuously focusing on our own problems, he recommends directing our attention toward others. Studies have shown that when we do something for someone else, whether it’s an act of kindness or a small favor, we experience a notable improvement in our own happiness. This phenomenon is explained by the concept of emotional contagion: by making someone else happy, we absorb some of that happiness, which directly impacts our well-being. According to Brooks, the key lies in how these acts of generosity draw us away from our personal concerns, allowing us to focus on others’ well-being, which paradoxically benefits us significantly.
Another powerful tool to balance self-referential thinking is the practice of mindfulness. This approach focuses on living in the present and observing our thoughts without reacting to them or passing judgment. In his discourse, Brooks explains that most of our self-referential thoughts are focused on the past or the future, preventing us from enjoying the present moment. By practicing mindfulness, we can train our minds to reduce the emotional burden of retrospective and anticipatory thoughts, fostering a greater connection with the present. This technique, widely supported by scientific research, has been shown to be effective in reducing anxiety and improving concentration, contributing to greater emotional well-being.
Finally, Brooks introduces a third, deeper, and more transcendent strategy: metaphysics. According to the expert, spiritual traditions have taught for centuries that to find true well-being, we must look beyond ourselves. Quoting 13th-century Zen Buddhist master Dōgen Zenji, Brooks suggests that “to study the self is to forget the self, and to forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.” This reflection invites us to adopt a broader view of life, where we cease to be the center of our own universe and instead open ourselves to a deeper connection with the world and the people around us.
Brooks encourages us to reflect on the importance of finding a balance between self-referential thinking and attention to others. While it is natural to focus on oneself, true well-being comes from the ability to connect with others, practice generosity, and live in the present. In a society where individualism and excessive introspection seem to be on the rise, Brooks’ ideas offer a path toward a more fulfilling and balanced life, where the happiness of others becomes the driving force behind our own happiness.
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Metaphore Magazine
Francesc Miralles
Carlos Mundy
